Our whole family was dealing with an illness that lasted for the week. It was running its course through each of us for 24 hours each at different intervals. There was no fever, just a constant vomiting until we were left weak and bed ridden. It started with Ryder first and then made its way through each of us consecutively. He was already on antibiotics for an ear infection so I blamed it on a pesky virus that he must have picked up being around other children at daycare. I was still weak and Ryder’s Dad was on his last day of it. We were all laying around resting, trying to get better through the weekend. Ryder had been up playing with our 9 year old and I had just fed him breakfast. The next thing I knew, he was vomiting in his pack and play. I quickly jumped up and put him in the bathtub to clean him up. I laid him down with his Dad as I cleaned up the pack and play. As soon as I finished cleaning up, he vomited again in the bed. I put him back in the bath. I had his Dad get up and pull off the sheets and throw them in the wash. He had it again. The stomach virus had made its way back around to Ryder again. The poor thing. It would be another 24 hours of vomiting and I could just do my best to keep him hydrated. No other symptoms. No fever, headaches, or any pain. Just vomiting. We all had our turns so I knew it would pass as quickly as it came. My 9 year old felt better and wanted to go play with his friend across the street. He left and I finished up with Ryder’s bath. I didn’t have the energy to put sheets back on the bed so I just laid him down with his Dad on the bare mattress. I decided to stay up and lay beside him because I knew that the vomiting wasn’t over yet. I could catch him and take him to the bath quickly. I decided to watch a movie on Netflix as they slept beside me. Now that I looked back, the movie was the most odd thing. I chose the movie because I recognized the main character and usually that meant that it would be a pretty safe pick and that it might be worth watching. The movie had just began and the mother in the movie had recently lost her baby. She was torn between keeping the baby’s things or selling them. I just remember thinking to myself and I wondered what I would do if I was in that position. I thought that was something that i wouldn’t even want to have to decide, what a horrible decision. I’m glad this was just a movie so I could put that out of my mind.

As I was putting the thought out of mind, suddenly Ryder coughed. I thought to myself here we go. He is going to throw up again and I had to run him to the bath tub so that it would not get all over the mattress and carpet. I was ready. He was a heavy baby so I had to scoot him over to the side of the bed where I could pick him up. As I reached out and pulled him closer to the edge of the bed, he was limp. I looked at his face and his eyes rolled back in his head. I started screaming for my husband to wake up. I was shaking and screaming that something was wrong with Ryder. What is this, did he choke on vomit, was it blocking his airway? I couldn’t tell. My husband woke up startled from my screaming and panic. He jumped up and looked at him, pulled him to his side of the bed and picked him up. He was just as panicked as I was, he couldn’t think. He just kept saying Ryder get up! Ryder wake up. He grabbed him and ran outside in the yard. He was running around the front yard trying to wake him up. He came back inside and I immediately called 911. It was like a movie. Was this really happening? He had a shallow breath or two and then he began to turn blue. My husband laid him on the bed. 911 hung up after they said the ambulance was on its way. I thought what? I thought they stayed on the phone until the ambulance got there. Well, certainly he will be fine once the ambulance arrives. They could make him wake up. I called my friend, that was a nurse and she was panicking of course, but told us what to do. She told my husband to lay him on the floor and check his heartbeat and breathing. She stayed on the phone with us as he performed CPR. He was crying, I was crying. I hung up with her when it wasn’t working, and I called 911 again. She informed me that the ambulance was almost there and once again, hung up. We saw two ambulances pull up at the same time because we had left the front door open. My husband was still working on him, but i told him to take Ryder out to the ambulance. I was shaking, but relieved that the ambulance was there and he would be fine. As we carried him out, they opened the doors of the ambulance and the EMT said step away this is a full arrest. Those words hit my heart like a rock. I knew what that meant and I knew CPR but when it’s happening to you, you forget everything you have learned. They closed the doors and my husband and I just stared into the side window of the ambulance. We didn’t know what to do. We were in complete shock and all I knew to do was pray and call my Mom. She answered and I was crying so bad that she couldn’t understand me. She kept saying, what? what? I was screaming that Ryder was in the ambulance and he was in full arrest. She finally made out what I was saying and she started freaking out, I don’t remember what else was said but we hung up and the ambulance driver said that they were going to the hospital. They told us to come to the hospital but that we couldn’t follow the ambulance. We were both still in our pajamas and we ran back in the house to get the keys to follow them. The officer met me at the door and asked me for my license. I was so panicked that I didn’t even know what I had come back in for. I couldn’t find my purse and I had to put something over my pajamas so I could leave. I just told him that I didn’t have them and he knew where I lived. I ran out after my husband and we jumped in the truck and began to follow the ambulance. I thought sure we would die on the way. He was driving like a maniac and we were both crying so hard that we couldn’t see. It was the longest ride to Savannah that I have ever had. Even to this day, if I get behind an ambulance on that route in traffic, I start crying. I called everyone that I could think of and I reached out for prayer on face book. I knew that the only thing that was going to save my baby was prayer. We reached the hospital and ran into the ER. They quickly escorted us to a room in the back. The police, coroner, and the chaplain came in to ask us all kinds of questions. What was that bruise on his head? You mean the scar that has been there for a couple of months? He ran into the garage door when he was helping his daddy a couple of months ago. Was he on any medication? Yes, he had an ear infection. Please just let me see my baby. Is he ok? They wouldn’t let anyone else in the room with us. Finally, they took us to the back and on the way, I saw my Mom and Stepfather. I grabbed them to come with us. We walked in and they had him on a table with several nurses around him. They were doing full blown adult CPR. Taking turns. I just stood beside his head and was crying and asking him to please wake up. My mom was praying and crying telling him to get up. I was in total shock. I saw a tube that was coming out of his mouth and I saw blood come out, and I asked the doctor why he was bleeding? I didn’t want my baby to bleed or have any pain. Ryder please get up!! Please get up!!! The doctor said he had been receiving CPR for over an hour without a heartbeat. He said this isn’t fair to him. He is just not here and if he was, he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life. I was crying, please Ryder get up! I love you Ryder, please get up! The doctor said that he would try more epinephrine one more time. He was upset as well and kept shaking his head. Finally, he made the call, to stop. We were all in shock. We were all begging God to save him. I felt like my life stopped at that moment in time along with the pronouncement of time of death. I didn’t know how to think, I didn’t know how to live, how to pray, how to talk to anyone, how to take my next step.