Today. Coming up on three years since we lost our blue eyes, I find myself in a place once again. A place of uncertainty, a place of waiting, a place that I would rather not be. It has been 5 months since I have been able to work because of an injury that took me by surprise. I am struggling with where my life is. The loss of control. My independence being stripped away and my total dependence on God for my tangible needs and my future. I was praying this morning and asking what I should be doing during this time of waiting and I heard so clearly, I want you to get back to your blog. I need this story to get out to the people that are struggling with the difficulties in their life. They need to see your experience and how I have always been there during your trials. How I am here now, and how I am here for them. Just as the stories in the Bible help people to see what I did for the people back then. They need to hear the current stories and experiences in the now. They need a fresh perspective of hope. These trials are not all about you, they are also about them. The love that I have for them and how badly I want to be there for them as well. Your struggles are not uncommon. Everyone struggles and they need to see how I have comforted you so they can have hope in Me. They can turn to me and let me comfort them.  I am their hope.  The motivation that keeps people sane during everyday trials, as well as life changing events, is hope. I am Hope. I am the answer!

So today, here i sit with my coffee and my worship music on You Tube and I start to feel hope again.  I say to myself, if I can trust God to hold me and comfort me when we lost our baby boy, how can I not trust him now. These trials will never stop coming. We live in a fallen world, we will all experience pain and loss at times in our lives. We all have that in common. Until we get to Heaven, we will have to fight this fight. If I can stand here still sane and have a beautiful functioning relationship with my God, He wants you to know that you can to. How can I let my current situation get me down, how can I get anxious, its a human response. I have to remind myself that I made it through victorious, through the hardest thing that I have ever experienced.  I still have joy in my heart to this day, regardless of that horrific day and its not going to stop now. I have to continue to put my heart and mind in his hands. Be calm my soul and breathe. I find Him in the waiting, in the trials, in the unexpected. I have found out this is when I can feel him the closest and hear the clearest.  If I just continue to listen and believe, He will show up as He always does. Keep your head up friends, this to shall pass. Find him in the waiting!